Tips on How to Diffuse an Aggressive Person
There are a number of tricks that you can use to try and calm an aggressive person down in order to avoid a potentially violent encounter. While there are no guarantees that talking or behaving in a specific way will lead to a peaceful end to every situation, having some options can’t hurt either. Let’s take a look at a couple of different strategies can be effective alternatives to the need to put up a fight in order to defend yourself.
The Stare
Many people who are aggressive towards others tend to target those who they perceive to be weaker and more vulnerable. One of the biggest ways to offset this behavior is to stare them down and assert your confidence and dominance. However, you want to try and look through them as opposed to looking at them. The difference lies in the idea that you are trying to send the message that they don’t matter and that you mean business. You are not trying to send the signal that you are ready to match their level of aggression tit-for-tat. Remember, you are trying to diffuse a situation as opposed to goading the individual into becoming more aggressive.
Speech
Another effective tactic is to avoid allowing the aggressive individual to put you on the defensive. Don’t fall into the trap of letting them control the conversation. Keep your cool and make sure that your speech is firm, confident, clear and assertive. Remember that you are not the one who is ready to explode into a rage, rather, you are the one who needs to talk the person down and let them know that they can’t goad you into a confrontation. You don’t want to run your mouth, make threats or turn into a verbal bad-ass. Rather, you want to let them know that you can’t be easily pushed around so that they will be more inclined to lose interest and back down.
Body Language
You can also make yourself appear stronger, bigger and more confident through your posture and mannerisms. The idea is to take a stance that is not aggressive, but you want to be firm and unbreakable. Your facial expressions, eye movements and body language send strong signals to others as to your state of mind. Stand firm, don’t back down and don’t cower in fear. Again, you want to let them know that you are more than capable of holding your own.
Providing a Distraction
One of the best tools to have at your disposal is to give the aggressor something else to think about other than you. The distraction that you offer will depend on the context of the situation as well as understanding what their overall objective is in that particular moment. Maybe the solution is to negotiate or make some kind of offer. Perhaps it will involve convincing them to move on to another target in a different place. In any case, getting them to put their focus onto something or someone else will place you in an advantageous position.
Sizing Them Up
You also want to keep a continual eye on their speech, body language and mannerisms as well. Dealing with a confrontational person is like engaging in a delicate dance that can change direction in the blink of an eye. They may seem like they are backing down in one moment and lunging towards you in an attack the next. Never take anything for granted and make sure that you are ready to defend yourself if necessary.
Defending Yourself
Some people can’t be talked down or reasoned with during a confrontation, and you need to be ready to defend yourself if all of your diplomatic efforts fail. The trick is to use a technique that you know will work. For some it is throwing a punch or pushing them against a wall. For others, it will be using pepper spray or shooting a gun. Every response will be unique to the situation, and you need to be prepared to use whatever means are available at the time to maintain the upper-hand.
However, the ultimate goal is to get yourself out of the situation. Your physical response should be designed to neutralize the encounter and buy time to escape as opposed to trying to win a fight or prove that you can stand up to a bully.
These are just a few examples that you can think about in order to form your own strategies when it comes to diffusing tense encounters with aggressive people. Remember that there are no perfect solutions to these kinds of situations, but developing the ability to “read people” will go a long way with being able to think your way out of problems. Stand your ground, remain assertive and in control, and be ready to defend yourself if necessary.
